Retief and the Warlords

 

By Keith Laumer

Retief is a First Secretary in the Corps Diplomatique Terrestrienne. His boss is Magnan, Assisstant Deputy Undersecretary of Inter-species Affairs. The inter-species Magnan is currently concerned about are the Haterakans, a warlike species making inroads against a group of frontier Terran worlds. Magnan's solution to Haterakan aggressions is four fold:

• PAUPER or Panel for Alien Uplift Protection Enlightenment and Relief.
• CHUMP or Council for Humane Understanding of Minority Problems.
• SUCKER or Special Unit for Conferring Knowledge on Emergent Races.
• Retief - throwing the work all on Retief and sending him off to deal with the Haterakans.

Retief gets captured by a Haterakan, Fleetmaster Harrumph. Expecting a hero's welcome when Harrumph returns to Haterakan territory with his captive, instead Harrumph and Retief are arrested and tortured and placed into an arena for public execution.  The execution doesn't go quite the way the Haterakan leader, Grand Admiral Hikop, anticipated. Thanks to the chaos that Retief creates, he and Harrumph escape in a stolen spacecraft and make their way to Terran territory and throw in with the locals who are standing against the Haterakans invaders.

A few parts of this story are amusing like Magnan's three programs meant to contain the Haterakans with what are basically bribes and Retief and Harrumph being tortured as Retief finds the torture mildly annoying at worst. But other than that, the book is mostly about the struggle between the local Terrans and the invading Haterakans, with battles and plotting and even a fist fight. I think Laumer is at his best when he is being funny and funny is mostly lacking in this story. 

Best. State. Ever.

 

By Dave Barry

Barry travels around his home state of Florida and reports on some of the more out-of-the-way attractions. 

As a fan of Dave Barry, this book is right up there as one of his funniest, which is saying a lot because he really is an amazing, funny wonderful writer. His books never disappoint. Here are a few of the jokes I encountered that made me laugh out loud: 

"The Fountain of Youth is purely mythical, like the Easter Bunny, or edible vegan food."

 

"As an aging Boomer . . . if they really are having wild sex up there [The Villages], I say more power to them. It's good for people our age to have sex. It upsets the children."

 

 . . ." I shot my brother Phil with it [BB gun] at a fairly close range and he did not die. In my defense, I had a good reason for shooting Phil; namely, I wanted to find out what happens if you shoot somebody with a BB gun. (Answer: He tells your mother,)"

It a fun book and almost makes me want to visit Florida. Almost.

Here is a review by Kirkus Reviews.

The Masqueraders

 

By Georgette Heyer

Anyone who supported the Pretender in the recent Scottish rebellion is going to end up dead if they fall into the hands of the English government. So perhaps this reason enough for Prudence and Robin to switch their genders and for Prudence to pose as young Peter Merriot and for Robin to pose as her sister, Kate. Anyways, this is what their enigmatic father has commanded them to do and he further wants them to travel to London and stay with a friend of his, Lady Lowestoft, and to be introduced to London high society. But on their way, they encounter a young woman in distress. The woman, Letty Grayson, set out to elope with Gregory Markham. But she has changed her mind and wants to return home to London. But Markham is a scoundrel and Prudence and Robin overhear him threatening young Letty. So they step in and rescue Letty and send Markham off on a false trail. Shortly after he is gone, Sir Anthony Fanshawe appears. He is a friend of her father's and set out to stop the elopement. He discovers she no longer needs rescuing, thanks to Prudence and Robin, who he believes are Peter and Kate Merriot. This chance meeting will change the lives of all four of these travelers on the London road.

The logistics of this masquerade are a bit problematic because it requires Prudence and Robin to remain in disguise continually without let up. Prudence is described as a tall woman, who is passing as a beardless youth. Her brother, Robin, is a short man with rather feminine features. At the time in which the story is set, the late 1740s, male and female clothing was bulky enough to make such a fraud possible, perhaps. 

Basically, the story is a romance novel, with Robin and Letty falling in love, and Prudence and Anthony falling in love. The Robin and Letty plot line is a bit more believable because Letty falls for Robin when he is in his masculine persona, not knowing he is also Kate. But Anthony falls for Prudence without ever seeing her dressed as the woman she is. He sees through her disguise and decides she is the woman for him. 

Anyway, it's a pretty enjoyable read although it does have some grim undertones: the threat of execution if Prudence and Robin are caught and Markham's continued plot to capture Letty and force her into marriage. 

Here is a review by Austenprose.

Zarsthor's Bane

 

By Andre Norton

A Witchworld novel

Peace of a sort has come to High Hallack. Not that it matters to Brixia, who has been on her own for three years or so. Her home, her friends and family are all dead and gone and she has been wandering the wilderness on her own, barely managing to stay alive, her only friend a cat she calls Uta. Even though the enemy has been defeated, there are still plenty of dangers for a woman alone. Looking for a secure place to make camp for the night, Brixia comes across a wounded man, Marbon, and his young companion, a teenage boy, Dwed. Brixia steers clear of the two but her cat, Uta, joins them. Marbon, who sustained a head wound, is clearly not in his right mind, but the sight of Uta awakes something in him. Brixia ends up joining Marbon and Dwed on their journey, even though she really doesn't want to. Together the four of them are searching for Zarsthor's Bane, which Marbon believes is a weapon that will restore his lost lands and which Dwed hopes will restore Marbon's lost senses. And Brixia accompanies them because of some strange urge that compels her to follow along.

Another entry in the Witchworld series, this follows a familiar path, people on a mysterious quest that they don't really understand into the dangerous lands of the Old Ones. It was an OK read, if a bit too similar to so many of the Witchworld stories. 

The Husbands

 

By Chandler Baker

Nora Spangler has a problem: her husband. She is a working mom and her husband, Hayden, doesn't put as much effort into helping out around the house as she would like. Basically she is tired of having to tell him what needs to be done. She wants him to pitch in without being asked or told. If there are dirty dishes in the sink, put them in the dishwasher. If laundry needs done, just do it. Pick up the toys, wipe your child's runny nose, stop at the grocery without being asked. He's a grown man, can he not see when there is spilled food on the floor? Or that the toilet paper roll is empty? Why does he need his wife to point these things out to him? It's not so much that Hayden isn't willing to help out. It's that he can't seem to figure out for himself what obviously needs to be done.

Nora also wants to move and has found a house she really likes in a subdivision called Dynasty Ranch. The homeowners association is really particular about who they want living there. The main leaders of the HOA is a group of professional women very much like Nora, all accomplished working mothers: authors, psychologists, surgeons, realtors. But unlike Nora, these women's husbands are helpful and self-motivated which puzzles and intrigues Nora. So when Nora and Hayden decide they could use some marriage counseling, one of the HOA women offers her services as a psychologist.

Not too far into the sessions with Dr. White, it becomes apparent to the reader, if not to Nora, the Dr. White is conditioning Hayden into becoming the ideal husband. When Nora finally grasps what is going on, she realizes that something deadly has been happening at Dynasty Ranch. And if she doesn't go along, it could be fatal for both her and Hayden.

This was a fun read. Nora is trying to make partner at the law firm where she works and all the stress of coping with her job and her child and her home life has her on the verge of a mental breakdown and yet she still decides this is the time to have another baby and shop for a new house and try to impress the ladies of the HOA. She just keeps piling more and more on her plate. No wonder she lies awake at night, crushed under the burden of unrelenting responsibilities. But life of the women she meets at Dynasty Ranch is everything she wants her life to be. Seeing her come to the realization that there is a steep price to pay to have that perfect life was an enjoyable journey and, I must admit, very beguiling. 

Here is a review by Kirkus Reviews.