Class Clown: The Memoirs of a Professional Wiseass

 

By Dave Barry

Dave Barry is a well known columnist, humorist and author. His skills as author and humorist are displayed beautifully in this entertaining, funny memoir. He made me laugh so many times, I think this might be one of his funniest books ever, which is saying a lot. His skills as a writer and humorist are top of the bunch.

He doesn't go into much detail about his private life beyond his childhood which he does delve into. But after that, the book is mostly about his professional life, starting off as a young reporter and kind of ending up a humor columnist accidentally. But he did graduate from serious reporting to being, as it says on the front of the book, a wiseass and we are all the better off for it. So thank you, Dave Barry, for your work and your amazing sense of humor and giving your readers decades of laughs and lighter moments.

Here are just few of the moments in the book made me literally "laugh out loud."

• "I made art projects out of construction paper and this white paste—you Boomers remember this paste—that turned out to be delicious. I enjoyed eating that paste WAY more than I enjoyed eating the Wampus Elementary cafeteria food, which came from giant government cans left over from some previous war, possibly the French and Indian."
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• "The girls were no longer girls: They were definitely young women. It was as if they had all attended Summer Bosom Camp. The boys definitely noticed this, and were feeling powerful new biological stirrings in the form of semi-permanent boners. A Category 5 puberty storm had hit Harold C. Crittenden Junior High; waves of hormones were sloshing through the halls."
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• "If you or one of your companions gets bit by a snake, don't panic. Take a razor blade and make a cut shaped like an "X," then suck out all the blood. Snakes just hate this, and after you've done it to them one or two times they stop biting people altogether."
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• "For nickname stupidity, no state challenges Indiana, which proudly calls itself "the Hoosier State," even though nobody has a clue what "Hoosier" means. It could be a Native American word meaning "Has sex with caribou."
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• "So the Republicans brought out a parade of humanizers, with the star being Mitt's wife, Ann. She talked, movingly, about a completely different Mitt Romney, a Mitt Romney whom most people have never seen, a Mitt Romney who is funny, spontaneous, tender, laid-back, five feet tall, overweight, bald and—in some [US] states—Jewish." 

I'm adding one last Dave Barry quote, but it is not a funny quote: "For the record: I can't stand Trump. He's a narcissistic jerk and a liar, and his behavior on January 6 was despicable. I'd never vote for him." 

Same for me, Dave.

Here is a review by Bookreporter.com.

Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

 

By Dave Barry

Dave takes a goofy look at travel both international and domestic. He talks about travel by vehicle or by plane, with and without children. He goes after Disney World and has a few pithy words to say about every US state and our two neighbors, Canada and Mexico. Except for Vermont, which only gets '(See "New Hampshire.").' 

After dealing with them, he then takes on Europe and closes out the book with hotels and camping.

Dave Barry is his usual hilarious self in this book. A great read if you are looking to have a good chuckle. 

Big Trouble

 

By Dave Barry

Arthur Herk finds out his employer is trying to have him killed the night the bullet misses and takes out his new TV. It happened the same night that Matt Arnold was trying to "kill" with a water gun his classmate, Jenny, who is Arthur's step-daughter. But when Matt squirted Jenny, her mom tackled him and started beating him up because the water gun looked like a real gun.

The police are called and the bullet hole is discovered and Arthur realizes he is in Big Trouble. So he comes up with a plan that involves buying a missile from a couple of shady Russians. But the buy is interrupted by two inept robbers who mistake Arthur for a drug kingpin and the missile for a hiding place full of drugs. Actually, the missile isn't a missile and if the two FBI agents tracking it can't get possession of it, everybody in the whole metro area is also in Big Trouble.

This was a fun read, full of silliness and suspense. Of course, Dave Barry isn't going to explode Miami, he's not that kind of author. Spreading death and misery is not his thing. Even so, it was really engaging to see how he manages to rescue the hero and bring the bad guys to justice. Except for the two hired killers who botched taking out Arthur in the first place. They get to go back to New Jersey and they have no intention of every coming back to Florida in the future.

Check out the review by Publishers Weekly.

Best. State. Ever.

 

By Dave Barry

Barry travels around his home state of Florida and reports on some of the more out-of-the-way attractions. 

As a fan of Dave Barry, this book is right up there as one of his funniest, which is saying a lot because he really is an amazing, funny wonderful writer. His books never disappoint. Here are a few of the jokes I encountered that made me laugh out loud: 

"The Fountain of Youth is purely mythical, like the Easter Bunny, or edible vegan food."

 

"As an aging Boomer . . . if they really are having wild sex up there [The Villages], I say more power to them. It's good for people our age to have sex. It upsets the children."

 

 . . ." I shot my brother Phil with it [BB gun] at a fairly close range and he did not die. In my defense, I had a good reason for shooting Phil; namely, I wanted to find out what happens if you shoot somebody with a BB gun. (Answer: He tells your mother,)"

It a fun book and almost makes me want to visit Florida. Almost.

Here is a review by Kirkus Reviews.

Tricky Business

By Dave Barry

Extravaganza of the Seas is a cruise ship whose main purpose is to deliver drugs to organized crime boss, Lou Tarrant. Its cover is that of a floating casino, taking its passengers out beyond the three mile limit and out of the jurisdiction of the government.
Wally and his band members have a steady job performing on the ship. These guys, all competent musicians, have never hit the big time, to their disappointment. Wally has recently left his wife and moved in with his mom. He feels like his life is going nowhere good.
Fay also works on the ship as a cocktail waitress. Like Wally, she is also struggling and coping with life after marriage. She too has moved in with her mother.
Bobby Kemp is a sleazy businessman who owns the ship, but in name only. He purchased the ship, thinking it was a good investment. But then mobster Lou Tarrant muscled in on Bobby, revealing the true purpose of the trips out to the three mile limit, the transfer of money and drugs. In fact Tarrant muscled in on all Bobby's questionable businesses and this has made Bobby very unhappy. So unhappy that he has come up with a plan, a plan that he will put in force on a night when the Extravaganza of the Seas sails off into a dangerous tropical storm, loaded with its usual complement of devoted gamblers, Wally and the band, Fay the cocktail waitress and two old guys who have escaped from their retirement home. A good time will not be had by all.

This was a very entertaining story, although at one point I put it down when it got a little too gruesome for me. Lots of action, lots of humor, complicated plot and a satisfying ending add up to a very enjoyable read, except for that one really nasty part.
For another review see http://www.publishersweekly.com/978-0-399-14924-5.

Insane City

By Dave Barry

Seth and Tina are getting married in Miami. They are traveling separately from up north to Florida. Tina is traveling with her sister, Meghan. Seth is traveling with his three friends from college, Marty, Kevin and Big Steve.
Tina is beautiful, successful, a perfectionist and the daughter of a man worth billions. Seth still doesn't understand what she sees in him. Tina's parents, Mike and Marcia, don't understand it either and are not thrilled she has picked Seth.
Things start to go wrong from the get go. Seth arrives at the Miami airport to discover Tina in a confrontation with security who want to search her luggage because the drug dog alerted on it. Due to her father's connections, she wiggles out of the search and her sister's weed is not found. Tina and the sister head off to the hotel and Seth and his friends get in a separate cab and end up at the wrong hotel. They go to a bar and Seth passes out under the table. His friends think he has left and they go in pursuit of him. Seth wakes up and finds his friends gone and goes after them, aided by two strangers from the bar, Cyndi and Duane. Duane has a large albino snake draped around his shoulders. Cyndi and Duane agree to take Seth to his hotel but when they get there, a large woman is in Seth's suite. LaDawne is a stripper who was hired by Marty. She won't leave until she is paid and her menacing boyfriend Wesley shows up and he keeps raising the fee the longer LaDawne stays in Seth's suite. Seth leaves the suite in search of an ATM to get some cash to pay LaDawne. He finds Meghan outside smoking her weed and takes a couple puffs. It's strong stuff and combined with all the alcohol he drunk that night, it is too much. He forgets what he was supposed to be doing and falls asleep on the beach.
Seth wakes up on the beach just in time to rescue a Haitian woman and her baby and child. She had hired men to bring her to Florida from Haiti and they abandoned her and her kids in a rickety boat in the ocean. The boat filled up with water and the three were left clinging to it until it washed up near the beach where Seth was sleeping. The woman, Laurette, is leery of the authorities, fearing she will be deported back to Haiti, so she refuses to go to a hospital. A hotel worker helps Seth bring Laurette and her kids up to his suite and agrees to go search for Laurette's sister. LaDawne takes care of the refugees and sends Seth back out for baby formula and diapers. She gives him the keys to Wesley's car.
Using Wesley's car, Seth and Cyndi rescue his three hapless friends, who got rolled by some shady ladies, pick up Seth's parents, Rose and Sid, at the airport, and stop and buy the baby stuff. Cyndi's friend with the snake, Duane, has found Seth's bag that he left at the bar. In the bag is the wedding ring designed by Tina and made from tiny snippets of gold from her family's heirloom jewelry. It's a one of a kind ring and it is vital that Seth get it back. But Duane leaves the bag at a private zoo.
Seth arrives back at the hotel with his whole motley crew in tow just in time to meet friends of Tina's father, Wendell and Greta Corliss. Tina's father, Mike, belongs to an exclusive club, the Group of Eleven. But an even more exclusive club exists, the Group of Six. Mike desperately wants to belong to the Group of Six, of which Wendell is a member. Accordingly, Mike is sucking up to Wendell big time.
At the rehearsal dinner, Seth's mother unintentionally puts a box of pot brownies on the dessert tray. The waiter, thinking they are part of the dinner, serves them to everyone. Mike doesn't partake because he doesn't like chocolate. Seth and Cyndi leave before dessert to go get the Seth bag back. Wendell has three brownies and ends up buying two restaurants, a pizza joint and a Chinese food place because he has the munchies and the two places don't deliver after hours.
Seth is headed to the zoo with Cyndi to pick up his lost bag and, hopefully, the irreplaceable wedding ring.
Trevor, an orangutan, discovers Seth's bag and manages to drag to his cage.  He tears the bag to pieces and finds the red ring box. He finds Tina's scent on the box intriguing and hangs onto it.
Seth arrives at the zoo and finds the remains of his suitcase next to the cage. He spies the ring box but, in the darkness, fails to realize it is in the clutches of a now-sleeping Trevor. Seth goes into the cage to get the box only to be chased by Trevor. In his hurry to get away, Seth doesn't realize he didn't get the cage door shut securely. Trevor follows them to the parking lot, where they are confronted by the security guard who shoots at them and Seth and Cyndi flee in the car. But Trevor has climbed in the back seat.
Meanwhile, back at the hotel, Tina is becoming increasing exasperated at Seth, who seems to be more concerned about the Haitians than about their wedding. She turns to her father for help. But his help is just making things worse and the complications pile up.

This book is like watching a Warner Bros cartoon and suddenly an image of babies starving in Africa with flies walking on their faces appears on the screen.

For another review, see https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/books/in-insane-city-dave-barry-serves-up-quite-the-buffet-of-leftovers/2013/01/31/ef4442f0-6a36-11e2-95b3-272d604a10a3_story.html.

Dave Barry Live Right and Find Happiness (Although Beer Is Much Faster)

By Dave Barry

Humorous essays by the master of the humorous essay, Dave Barry. Frequently laugh-out-loud funny, Dave Barry is as funny as ever and reading this book was a true pleasure. He is a national treasure, that is for sure.

If you enjoy Dave Barry, this book is sure to please.

For another review, see:  http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2015/03/02/arts/ap-us-book-review-live-right-and-find-happiness.html?_r=0.

Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down

By Dave Barry

Dave Barry is a humor columnist for The Miami Herald and this book is collection of his columns, published in 2000.

Dave Barry is a funny guy and this collection of his columns certainly bears this out. They are funny and a good way to spend a few lighthearted hours. Very enjoyable.

Dave Barry Turns 40

By Dave Barry

Barry looks at what it means to be middle aged, in his own hilarious way, poking fun at himself and at all of us as we attempt to cope with growing older.
Once again, Dave Barry comes through, with his usual funny take on getting up there. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, even though it is a little dated since it was first published in 1990. It's always a pleasure just to sit down and read a book just for the sheer fun of it, for the chance to forget life's cares for a little while and have a chuckle. Thanks, Dave.