Retief: Diplomat At Arms

 

By Keith Laumer

A collection of Retief stories, dating from 1961 to about 1966.

• Ultimatum aka Mightiest Quorn (1963) Settlers on a planet are suddenly and unexpectedly invaded by an alien race, the Quorn.
• Native Intelligence aka The Governor of Glave (1963) Malcontents on a wintery planet take over the government only to find out governing a planet is a lot more complicated than they imagined.
• The Prince and the Pirate (1964) A palace coup is attempting to oust the rightful ruler of Elora. The rebels have formed an alliance with the Terran ambassador but Retief is siding with the royals.
• Courier aka The Frozen Planet (1961) A criminal organization has brutal plans for a planet of farmers and ranchers. 
• Protest Note aka The Desert and the Stars (1962) The settlers of Flamme have worked hard to make their planet liveable. But now squatters have shown up and are ruining everything. 
• Truce or Consequences (1966) The inhabitants of twin planets are at war, declaring each other intruders on their home worlds. 
• The Secret While visiting with the Terran ambassador, D'ong, the Grotesque Minister of Foreign Affairs for Grote reveals he has a tea bag which can produce endless amounts of tea. The ambassador declares he must know the secret of D'ong's tea bag. But before inquires can be made, D'ong is kidnapped by the Groaci.

I first started reading Retief stories because they were silly and funny. Of this collection, only two of the stories are silly and funny, Truce or  Consequences and The Secret. The rest of the stories in this collection, Laumer's earlier Retief stories, are not funny.  If they had been the first Retief stories I had encountered, I wouldn't have read any more Retief stories. In the earlier stories, Retief is a kind of superman and Malcolm is just a corrupt diplomat. In the funny stories, Retief is still a kind of superman, but a lot faster with a quip. And Malcolm is just a gullible fool who never seems to understand what is really going on. I, for one, am glad Laumer went from writing serious Retief stories to goofy Retief stories with stories featuring giant squirrels, aliens that look like a pile of spaghetti to an alien that is a big as a hill and who entertains his visitors in his innards.

Spring Fever

 

By P.G. Wodehouse

Young lovers of the late 1940s, thwarted in love. First is Stanwood Cobbold, a strong young fellow but none too sharp, Stan has a very rich father who does not approve of Stan's love interest, Eileen Stoker. She is a Hollywood actress and she is off to London and has told Stan she will not marry him because he is dependent on his father for money. 

Next is Lord Shortlands, aka Shorty. He is in love with his cook, Alice Punter. But he shares his home, Beevor Castle, with his rival, the butler, Mervyn Spink. Spink also desires to wed Mrs. Punter, but neither man measures up to her demands: she wants to own a pub and be her own boss. The man she marries must be able to provide her with said pub. Neither Shorty nor Spink can do so. Shorty's income is nil after taxes and he depends upon his eldest daughter for spending money. And Spink is a gambler but not a very lucky gambler.

And then there is Lady Teresa, also one of Shorty's daughters (there's three of them). She would like to fall in love with Mike Cardinal, a Hollywood agent who is also in London trying to get Eileen to sign with his agency. Mike is leading-man-handsome and Terry had a bad experience with a handsome young actor who cheated on her. She fears that Mike is also what she calls a flibbertigibbet, according to her a man who chases after other women while wooing one woman. 

They all end up at Beevor Castle, with Mike posing as Stan, and Stan posing as a Mr. Rossiter, with Shorty and Spink hatching various plans to get their hands on the funds needed to woo Mrs. Punter and with Terry becoming engaged three different times to Stan and Mike. And I can't leave out Augustus Robb, a former burglar and booze-hound who has reformed and is now an ardent Christian and employed as Stan's valet and who turns out to be a dark horse.

To quote the Scottish poet, Robert Burns, "The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft a-gley / An' lae'e us nought but grief an' pain, / For promised joy." So it is with the schemes of the plotters in Beevor Castle. But unlike Burns' little mouse, all comes out beautifully in the end. A fun and lighthearted story, typical Wodehouse, I really enjoyed reading it again. 

Crock : You'll Pay For This . . . All Of You!

 

By Parker, Rechin and Wilder

Daily strips from the comic strip Crock. Copyrights from the late 1970s. Authors only listed by their last names but Parker is Brant Parker, Rechin is Bill Rechin and Wilder is Don Wilder. Parker worked on the strip from 1975 to 1976. Bill Rechin from 1975 to 2011. And Don Wilder from 1976 to 2011. The strip ended in 2012 but still appears in reruns. Source: Wikipedia. 

A mildly funny comic strip, it tells about the lives of the men of a Foreign Legion post in some nameless desert country and their encounters with the locals, including bandits and rebels and lovely maidens (some the maidens are not so lovely and some are probably not so maiden). The Commandant is the vicious Vermin Crock, who delights in the suffering of his men and whose cruelty is one of the main features of the strip.

A slice of daily life for the men of Crock's command:

Dog On It

 

By Spencer Quinn

The first book in the Chet and Bernie mystery series.

Chet is Bernie's dog. Chet was in training to become a police dog but failed his final exam. Bernie used to be a police officer but now he is a private detective whose personal life is a mess. He smokes, he sometimes drinks too much, he is divorced, he doesn't get to see his young son enough, his car is about thirty years old and he is chronically short of cash. But at least he has Chet, the police dog drop-out. And Chet is a loyal companion and enthusiastic doggy detective alongside Bernie.

Bernie's latest case is that of a missing teen girl. Madison is only fifteen and she goes missing twice. The first time she shows up the next day. But the second time she doesn't show up. So her mom hires Bernie to find her daughter. Unfortunately Madison's dad tries to throw a monkey wrench in the search, claiming that she will come back on her own in due time. But that isn't enough to keep Bernie from investigating. Then Chet disappears and doesn't come home for days. Chet gets back home and then Bernie disappears and only Chet has a clue as to where Bernie is. But Chet is only a dog and can't ask anyone for help!

This was a pretty good read. Chet is the narrator of the story and even though Chet's thoughts are probably a lot more complex than a dog's probably are, it was still fun to read a story told by a dog. Chet is a good boy and he loves Bernie and is completely loyal to him. Chet does get into some serious danger and is injured which I didn't care for. Over all though, other than the principle voice of the story being that of the dog, this is a typical and fairly mild mystery story without much gore and with no murders. 

Review by Kirkus Reviews.

The Orphan Witch

 

By Paige Crutcher

Persephone was abandoned when she was just a baby. She grew up in the foster care system and never found a forever home. She was a child around whom strange things happened, strange things for which she seemed to be the catalyst. 

Now a grown woman in her thirties, Persephone is still plagued by strange occurrences and  lives her life on the run, ready to bolt at a moment's notice. 

Unknown to Persephone, someone has been looking for her. That person is Hyacinth Evers and when she finds Persephone, she invites her to come stay at her family home on Wile Island. She believes Persephone is her long lost cousin whose mother and grandmother were forced to leave their home on Wile Island and live in exile. Hyacinth also believes that Persephone is an untrained witch and that together with herself and her sister Moira, who are trained witches, they can lift a curse that was placed on the island a hundred years ago. 

But  Hyacinth and Moira are not the only witches on Wile Island. Two other sister witches live on the island. Ellison and Ariel Way are certain that the Evers sister's attempts to lift the curse will actually destroy the island. That combined with bad blood that dates back to their shared childhood has turned the Way sisters against their Evers cousins. And against Persephone as the unwitting, untrained tool of the Evers witches.

This was an OK read. The first part is pretty intriguing as Persephone accidentally causes several men to attempt to kill themselves simply because she looked them straight in the eyes. But once she arrived on Wile Island, it got a bit boring, living the rural witchy life with the two sisters. But just in time, Persephone meets a man of mystery who sets her toes to tingling. That certainly made the story a bit more engaging. But overall the story never really grabbed me. 

Review by Publishers Weekly.

A Psalm for the Wild-Built

 

By Becky Chambers

Sibling Dex is a monk at Meadow Den Monastery. Dex is feeling a bit discontented and decides they (throughout the story, Dex is never referred to as he or she, only as they) want to be a tea monk. Tea monks are monks who travel around making tea. They brew the tea they feel their clients need and listen to their problems and give the client feedback. Sometimes it is just sympathy, sometimes it is gentle advice, sometimes it is just a quiet moment in which to relax and enjoy their tea. Tea monks hitch a camper to a bike-like vehicle and peddle along to the next destination on their route. They are very popular with the communities they visit.

Back before Dex's time, the people on this world were just like us, with their factories and their technology. Part of the technology was intelligent, humanoid robots. Who suddenly one day became self-aware and who walked away from their robot jobs and into the wilderness. This event caused the people to rethink their way of life and they shut down most of the factories and put aside much of the land to let it return to wilderness. And they tried their best live their lives in the most sustainable way possible and with the fewest negative impacts on their world.

So Dex learns to be a very skillful and valued tea monk. People enjoy his teas and they appreciate his care of them. But Dex is not satisfied. The same feelings that caused him to leave the monastery now push him to leave his tea route and venture off into the wilderness, ostensibly to search for an abandoned monastery, Hart's Brow Hermitage. But soon after setting forth on his search, a robot wanders into his camp and kind of attaches itself to Dex. So together Dex and his new companion, the robot Mosscap, will travel through the wilderness, searching for Hart's Brow and getting to know each other and possibly becoming fast friends.

The first part of this story was the best part, with Dex setting forth to become a tea monk and learning his craft. But after Dex is joined by Mosscap it became a lot more philosophical. And I'm not the least bit interested in philosophy. 

Here's a review by Publishers Weekly.

The Beast Master

 

By Andre Norton

The war with the Xik was finally over and humankind won but at the cost of the complete destruction of planet Earth. Hosteen Storm was a Galactic Commando and Beast Master in the galactic Confederacy and now that the war is over, he has no home to go back to. He chose to be repatriated on Arzor because it has a climate similar to his Navajo homeland. His four "beasts" will be with him, as the military as no further use for them. They are Surra, a dune cat; Baku, an African black eagle; and two meercats, Ho and Hing. 

Arzor is a frontier world and it has a native population referred to as Norbies. They are tall, thin humanoids with yellow skin and horns. They can't speak human language and humans can't speak their language so they communicate by using sign language. The Norbies are hunter/gatherer people that live in tribal groups scattered across the planet. They have accepted the presence of humans settlers. Humans activities on the planet consist mainly of ranching the local herd beasts. So basically it's the Old West, revisited.

Hosteen has another purpose in coming to Arzor. He is on the trail of a man, Brad Quade, from Arzor who killed his father when Hosteen was little. 

Hosteen's skill with horses quickly lands him a job and earns him the respect of the locals. And his work with his animal companions impresses him employers even more. One of his fellow workers is a Norbie, Gorgol who becomes Hosteen's friend and who teaches him the sign language Norbies and humans use to communicate. 

Once Hosteen and his new employer and company are on the trail, they run into trouble when they get caught in a heavy downburst. The valley they are in quickly floods and only Gorgol and Hosteen manage to survive. They rest are swept away along with most of the supplies. But both Gorgol and Hosteen are no strangers to surviving on their own. They bury the bodies of their companions and set out to find a way out of the deadly valley. But before they can, Hosteen discovers that the Xik, who he thought had been thoroughly defeated, have a secret base on Arzor. And that they are trying to foment a war between the Norbies and the human settlers. 

This is pretty much just a frontier Western, with the settlers as the cowboys and the Norbies as the Natives. With the twist that the Navajo man is the cowboy who sympathizes with and understands the Natives. Frankly, I found the story boring.

Here is a review by Kirkus. This is their review from 1959 and they refer to the author as he. Andre Norton was the author's pen name. Her real name was Alice Norton. 

 

Bertie Wooster Sees It Through

 

By P.G. Wodehouse

Bertie has woman problems once again. When Lady Florence Craye asks Bertie to escort her to a night club, Bertie ends up being arrested in a police raid and Florence ends up breaking off her engagement to G. D'Arcy Cheesewright. Florence then transfers her attention to Bertie, to whom she was once engaged, laboring under the misapprehension that Bertie always has been and still is hopelessly in love with her. Which he isn't. But he is too diffident to tell her the truth.

The rejected suitor, D'Arcy longs to murder the man he blames for Florence's defection. But he has placed a large bet on Bertie winning a darts tournament and the money is more important than revenge. 

Bertie's favorite aunt needs his help with a financial matter and Bertie travels to Brinkley Court to help Aunt Dahlia out. Things being what they are, D'Arcy and Florence are also staying there along with several others. All of these people are involved in various plots, with poets and novelists and ladies' magazines and hen-pecked husbands and fake necklaces and angry accusations and blackmail and burglary and broken engagements and new lovers and plotting spouses and mustaches and ladders at windows. And, of course, Jeeves, Bertie's manservant, who is the only one who can see the way through.

This is a classic Bertie and Jeeves story. It is silly and fun and it makes you wish so very much that you could be there, with Bertie and Jeeves and jolly Old England. It has everything you want in a Bertie and Jeeves story and it does not disappoint. Lighthearted, comical and a grand trip to a time and place that never really existed except in the mind of P.G Wodehouse.

The Box in the Woods

 

By Maureen Johnson

Back in 1978, four teens snuck off to the woods to get high and fool around. But what should have been just teenage nonsense resulted in all four kids murdered.

Now teen sleuth Stevie, famous for solving a cold case dating from the 1930s, has been invited to Sunny Pines camp for kids by its new owner, Carson. Carson wants to do a podcast about the more than forty year old mass murder and he hopes Stevie can use her sleuthing skills to solve what the professionals could not. As a bonus, he will give jobs to any of her friends she brings along with her. 

Stevie has been working at a grocery store for the summer and the idea of a summer at a camp in the woods is very appealing, especially since two of her friends are eager and willing to join her. So the three head off to Sunny Pines and Stevie is happy to be on the trail of the person or persons who brutally murdered four teenagers one warm summer night forty-two years ago.

As far as mysteries go, this was a pretty good read. It wasn't as engrossing as some mystery stories I have read. But it also wasn't as boring as some I have slogged through. It kept me engaged. The one thing I didn't much care for is the killer was not one of the main characters and is only briefly mentioned in passing a few times in most of the book.  I don't like it when authors pull some obscure character out of the background of a story to be the killer. But other than that, I enjoyed the book.

See also Kirkus for another review of the story.

The Foundling

 

By Georgette Heyer

Adolphus Gillespie Vernon Ware, Duke of Sale is only twenty-four years old. An orphan, he has been raised by his uncle, Lord Lionel Ware. A sickly child, Gillie has grown up to be a biddable and diffident young man.  Currently his uncle is in charge of Gillie's money and of his many estates but in a few months, Gillie will be of age and will gain control of his vast wealth and many properties.

All his life, Gillie has been closely cared for by his uncle and the people hired to care for him. His butler, his valet, his nurse are all old family servants and they truly love the young Duke. But Gillie is feeling a bit oppressed by the close care and supervision and sometimes wishes he was just an ordinary fellow, free to come and go as he chose. 

Gillie is unpleasantly surprised that his uncle has arranged a marriage for him with Lady Harriet Presteigne, a quiet and docile young lady he has known for a long time. Although he doesn't dislike Harriet, Gillie still feels like he is not in control of his own life. But despite this, he travels to town to propose to Harriet and his proposal is accepted, both young people doing exactly what they are expected and required to do. 

But after be coming engaged, Gillie is wishing even more that he were free to live his life as he chooses. So when he finds out his cousin is being blackmailed, Gillie decides to pose as his cousin Matthew and confront the blackmailer himself. So he sets off on a grand adventure in which he rescues a runaway school boy and a hapless maiden and thwarts a villain determined to squeeze as much money as he can out of the wealthy young Duke.

This is one of my favorite Heyer stories. It is not so much a romance as it is the adventures of the young Duke. The Duke proves his capability over and over again, dealing with thugs and rogues and rambunctious school boys and a very beautiful but very stupid young woman, the Foundling. It's a lot of fun and a lot is going on in the story and the ending is not only very satisfying but also a bit surprising. 

See also a Review by Austenprose. 

The Five Red Herrings

 

By Dorothy L. Sayers

Lord Peter is vacationing in Scotland and naturally someone gets murdered. The area where he is staying is very scenic and a popular spot for landscape artists, several of whom have studios there. 

One of the artists, Campbell, is an unpleasant fellow who seems to get into arguments with pretty everyone who crosses his path. On the days before his death, Campbell gets into an argument with his neighbor, Ferguson, whose garden wall Campbell damaged with his vehicle. He also tangles with Farran, whose wife Campbell has a crush on. There is also Strachan who banned Campbell from the golf club and Gowan and Graham who have both had beefs with Campbell. And finally there is Waters, a particular friend of Lord Peter's and who got into a drunken argument with Campbell the night before Campbell's body was found with its head bashed in. All of these men are artists and all are skilled enough to have faked a painting in Campbell's style.

Because the killer went to a lot of work to make it look like Campbell died when he fell while out doing a landscape painting. This required the murderer to produce a fresh painting in Campbell's distinctive style. At first the authorities feel certain Campbell died by falling but Lord Peter shows up at the murder scene and quickly realizes that something vital is missing from the scene. Spoiler: turns out to be a tube of white paint. The painting would not be possible without this white paint so someone took the tube of paint and that someone must be involved in some way in Campbell's death. 

Anyway, the police accept Lord Peter's conclusions and together they investigate the six artists in the area who have had confrontations with Campbell and who have the skill to copy his painting style and who are unaccounted for at the time of the murder.  

This was an OK story. A lot of the plot consists of cops investigating train time tables. Frankly I just skipped most of that. I don't understand train time tables. The best part of the story is discovering what the five innocent artists were up to that fatal night. So I did enjoy that part of it. But tracking their movements via trains, cars and bicycles wasn't quite so much fun.

See also a review by Taking the Short View.

Gryphon in Glory

 

By Andre Norton

A Witch World story

A continuation of the story told in The Crystal Gryphon  in which Joisan and Kerovan once again go their separate ways only to come back together later on in the story.

Kerovan is still feeling inferior and decides to set Joisan free so she can find love with a "normal" person. But Joisan is stubbornly refusing to accept his rejection of her and set off after him when he leaves on a military mission, determined to join him despite his refusal. Kerovan is traveling to the Waste, in search of allies in the war against the invaders from overseas. He is successful in his quest, finding a race of shapeshiftering warriors who are alarmed to discover that the enemy is seeking forbidden knowledge in the Waste.

Meanwhile Joisan has set out to follow Kerovan and she has fallen in with two strangers, Elys and Jervon. Elys and Jervon first appeared in the novella, Dragon Scale Silver. While traveling in the Waste, Joisan gets kidnapped by the Thas, monstrous underground rat-men She frees herself by using the power of the crystal gryphon, which was given to her by Kerovan at the start of the first book. 

But when she manages to find her way to the surface, she comes out nowhere near where she last saw Elys and Jervon. She finds an abandoned castle in which she can shelter and there are even some fruits to eat in the old orchard. She climbs the castle tower and sees a road off in the distance and shortly discovers Kerovan and Elys and Jervon traveling on the road. Kerovan is still struggling to find self-acceptance and continues to turn away from Joisan. He has been having strange dreams and they are both experiencing strange visions. He has given up on his original quest and is now concentrating on sorting himself out and Joisan is just hoping that eventually he will realize he is the only man for her.

This was an OK story. Pretty much follows the same pattern of one or two young people on a quest of discovery and self-discovery, always involving evil magic and good magic and often featuring magical animals and people who have magical abilities but are not trained to use them. 

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The Return of Jeeves

 

By P. G. Wodehouse

In post-WW II Britain, the landed gentry are finding the new socialism difficult. High taxes are making huge estates too expensive to keep up. One such member of the landed gentry is Bill Towcester (pronounced "toaster"), the ninth Earl of Towcester. All that is left of his estate is Towcester Abbey, a huge old building that is falling to bits.

Bill is so broke he has turned to being a bookie to make ends meet. Disguised with an eyepatch and a fake mustache, Bill travels to the various horse races and accepts gamblers' bets on the outcomes. So far it has worked very well and Bill was able to start spending a little money on the Abbey. 

But then one of the gamblers wins big and Bill doesn't have the cash on him to pay the man. So he runs away, pursued by the man, Captain Biggar. Biggar is a man of the world and a big game hunter who has returned home to Britain for the first time in years.

Bill has a hot prospect who is showing interest in buying his house, Rosalinda Spottsworth, a fabulously wealthy widow with a strongly romantic side. Introduced to Bill by his sister, Monica, Rosalinda is hoping the house is haunted and Bill is hoping she doesn't notice how rundown the place is. Rosalinda, Monica and her husband Rory are all staying at the house.

Too bad for Bill, but Biggar has traced Bill's car to Towcester Abbey and when Rosalinda finds out he is in the house, she asks Monica to invite him to stay because he is a very old friend of hers. Monica agrees, without telling Bill. When Bill finds out that Biggar is actually staying in his house, he can only hope that his bookie disguise will keep Biggar from recognizing him. But the cat is let out of the bag when Monica's dimwit spouse Rory unearths the disguise from a chest in full view of Biggar. 

Meanwhile, Jeeves. Jeeves has been working as Bill's butler while Bertie Wooster is in a reeducation camp for the idle rich. It was Jeeves' idea that Bill become a bookie. Jeeves was actually working as Bill's sidekick in the bookie business, also wearing a disguise similar to Bill's. And now it is Jeeves who must save Bill from Captain Biggar's righteous wrath and at the same time help Bill talk Rosalinda into buying Towcester Abbey and also keep Bill's fiancée Jill from finding about the bookie business as she is anti-gambling. 

This is a fun read, full of jokes and nonsense like this choice example: "'Good heavens,' said Monica, 'bells at Towcester Abbey don't ring. I don't suppose they've worked since Edward the Seventh's days. If Uncle George wished to summon the domestic staff, he just shoved his head back and howled like a prairie wolf.'" 

This book was published in 1953 and by then Wodehouse was in his seventies. But it is just as silly and enjoyable as his earlier works. Wodehouse was a prolific author and probably best known for his short stories and for his most famous creation, Jeeves. 

Bath Tangle

 

By Georgette Heyer

Nobody expected the Earl would die in his early fifties. He left behind his daughter Serena and his wife Fanny. Fanny was the Earl's second wife and is a couple years younger than her stepdaughter Serena. The Earl was a very wealthy man and he and Serena moved among the upper classes of Regency Britain secure in their place in the world. Although Serena is not the Earl's heir, she knows she will inherit a large fortune, including the  estates of Hernesley and Ibshaw. The Earl's main residence, Milverly Park, will pass into the hands of his heir, Hartley Carlow, who is now the Sixth Earl of Spenborough and Serena's cousin.

When Serena was younger, she was engaged to Ivo Rotherham, a friend of the Fifth Earl and a near neighbor, a man Serena knew all her life. Like Serena and the Earl, Ivo is also a man of wealth and property. Ivo has a reputation as an unpleasant and haughty person. Serena, also a rather haughty woman, clashed frequently with Ivo and broke off their engagement. So when her father's will was read and she heard that her father had appointed Ivo as her trustee, in control of all her money and of whose approval she would have to get if she ever wanted to marry in the future, she just about exploded. 

Clearly it is her dead father's attempt to bring Serena and Ivo back together as he was very disappointed when she broke it off. 

Serena and Fannie move into the Dower House when Hartley and his family move into Milverley Park. But living so close to her old home is hard on Serena, especially as she observes all the changes the new owners are doing to what was her home for all her life. So she and Fanny move to Bath for a change of location and for a chance to socialize a bit more than they were able to do living in the Dower House.

Not long after moving there, Serena chances to meet an old boy friend of hers, Hector Kirkby. They rekindle their romance and become engaged. But it doesn't take Serena long to understand that Hector is not the man for her. Hector also may be realizing that he is not the man for Serena. He is actually rather fearful of Serena's bad temper: "Forbid her! I?" he exclaimed. "She would most hotly resent it! Indeed, Lady Spenborough, I dare not!" 

Meanwhile Ivo has announced that he is engaged to silly young girl of seventeen. So the two people who are clearly meant to be together find themselves engaged to marry the wrong people. It is a tangle, indeed.

Serena is not serene. She is a woman of strong opinions and used to getting her own way and accustomed to ruling the roost. Raised as the only child of an important and wealthy man, she is more than a little haughty and arrogant, as only those of her class can be. She is one of Heyer's less appealing heroines. And Ivo is one of Heyer's less visible heroes. He only makes a few appearances in the story and vanishes from the main part until he shows up towards the end. We don't see his and Serena's courtship at all, really, only in Serena's determination that Ivo not be jilted again do we realize how much she loves him. His love for her is not apparent at all until the very end of the story. Kind of a strange romance and not one of Heyer's better efforts, I think.

Review by Deb Barnum on AustenProse.

Retief of the CDT

 

By Keith Laumer

A collection of five Retief stories:

• Ballots and Bandits
• Mechanical Advantage
• Pime Doesn't Cray
• Internal Affairs
• The Piecemakers

These are five of the best Retief stories, featuring engaging aliens and funny plots.

In Ballots and Bandits, Retief gets involved in local politics on the planet Oberon. The denizens of Oberon are a variety of sizes of squirrel-like creatures, ranging from as tiny as a mouse to larger than human beings. The largest Oberons are the Tsuggs and they have political ambitions which they are attempting to implement by force. Retief visits the Tsugg chieftain and manages to become their representative to the Terran embassy.

Mechanical Advantage finds Retief and Magnan on Verdigris, a planet of ancient abandoned cities. Apparently the people that built the cities have vanished long ago. Not surprisingly, the Groaci are there too and despite the Terran prior claim are busy looting the ruins of their valuable antiquities. Retief and Magnan stumble across an underground garage full of large, dangerous, intelligent machines. The machines awaken and challenge the two Terrans but in the process Retief wins their support and turns them loose on the Groaci.

Pime Doesn't Cray features one of Laumer's weirdest aliens. Described as looking like a pile of spaghetti, they all speak in Spoonerisms: pime doesn't cray instead of crime doesn't pay. It makes for a bit of tricky reading but I found if you don't try to translate it to normal, the meaning still comes through just fine.

Anyway, the Terrans are building a magnificent theater as a gift to the locals of Squale. But the day before the theater is to be unveiled, it vanishes.  Of course, the Groaci are behind the theft but with the help of his spaghetti-like chauffeur Chauncey, Retief will make all straight.

On the planet of Quahog, the Terran delegation in Internal Affairs wants to make contact with the local ruler, His Supremacy. But the terrible weather and violent winds and aggressive wildlife has the Terran diplomats holed up in a cave and subsisting on snacks and champagne. 

But when Retief and Magnan arrive, they discover the "aggressive" wildlife are the emissaries of His Supremacy and they must communicate by telepathic touch. While the other diplomats cower in the cave, Retief and Magnan head off to the His Supremacy's castle which turns out to be just a low mound of hills as the climate is too extreme for any buildings to last for any amount of time. But shortly after they arrive, His Supremacy becomes violently ill. Fortunately, even medical care is not beyond the capabilities of the ever-ready Retief.

The Piecemakers starts off with the Groaci in a standoff against the Slox, both of them claiming the planet Yudore as their own. Retief and Magnan are there to broker a peace between the two groups but end up crash landing on Yudore. There they find out the locals are all of one mind and what that mind wants is company. Anyone who lands on Yudore finds their spacecraft immediately disabled in order to keep them from ever leaving.

I first read these stories decades ago. I enjoyed them as much this time as the first time I read the stories. My favorites are Ballots and Bandits, Pime Doesn't Cray and Internal Affair. The other two stories were not quite as appealing but still enjoyable. 

Retief in the Ruins

 

By Keith Laumer

Three stories about Retief, an assistant to Ben Magnan, who is a member of the diplomatic corps. Ben and Retief are sent to various embassies throughout the galaxy. They report to the ambassador, and of all the diplomatic staff people, only Retief seems to be competent at his job. Virtually on his own, Retief manages to save the day, protecting Terran interests and thwarting the Groaci, the trouble makers of the galaxy, who are always up to something nefarious.

All three stories are nearly the same. Location is changed, the Groaci evil plot is changed, the denizens of the individual worlds are changed and how Retief takes care of everything is changed. But other than that, everything else is the same. Retief discovers a Groaci or two behaving suspiciously. Retief investigates and engages with the locals and figures out what the Groaci are up to and then he does exactly what it takes to stop them. Ben Magnan usually get dragged into too, always against his will.

The stories are OK. Not as funny or inventive as many of his other Retief stories. It seemed to me like he wasn't really trying, just sticking to the formula. 

The stories:

• Retief in the Ruins
• There Is a Tide
• The Woomy

Imposter Syndrome

By Kathy Wang

Julia was just a kid in Russia when her mother abandoned her. Growing up in the orphanage was a hard life and it scarred Julia. 

When she got a little older, Julia was recruited by the SPB, Russian intelligence. Trained and educated, she was sent to California with the instructions to worm her way into the tech world of Silicone Valley. And she succeeds spectacularly, becoming the number two leader at Tangerine, a giant influential tech company. So now she is rich and famous, newly married and newly pregnant. But here comes Leo, her "uncle," actually her Russian handler and he wants more from her. She warns Leo that what he wants her to do could end in her exposure. But he insists. And so she does it and it results in the murder of a man by the SBP. 

Just as Julia predicted, someone noticed her searches and started looking into it. Alice is a lower level tech at Tangerine and pretty powerless but discovers a lot of things that could spell trouble for Tangerine and for Julia and Peter, the number one guy at Tangerine.

Julia knows if she crosses the SBP, it would result in not only her death, but in the death of her husband and even of her newborn baby. But Julia also knows she does not want to ruin her comfy California life of privilege and power and wealth. Going back to Russia is not in her plans. So when the FBI comes calling, what else can she do but cooperate?

It took awhile for me to get into this story. It's certainly a slow mover, as we have to read about all the intimate details of Julia's and later Alice's lives. Neither Julia or Alice are particularly appealing characters. Julia is arrogant and phony and Alice is just pathetic. I did warm to the story a bit more as I got further into it and eventually enjoyed it quite a bit. And I did enjoy the ending. 

Here is a review by Publishers Weekly.

 

Nobody, Somebody, Anybody

 

By Kelly McClorey

Amy had a strained relationship with her mother. But when her mother died, it affected Amy deeply. She was in college at the time and developed anxiety about taking tests. She also became unnaturally attached to her roommate and became unreasonably jealous when her roommate got a boyfriend. That did not end well, but I won't spoil it by revealing what happened.

Amy ends up working  at a yacht club as a maid for the summer. She doesn't like the other maid, Roula, who she feels is overly critical. She starts spying on her landlord, stealing his mail and reading it. The landlord, Gary, is dating a women he met overseas, Irina, a Ukrainian woman. He found her on a dating website. And he wants to marry her. He asks Amy for some advice and she becomes involved with him, but not romantically. That is until he breaks up with Irina and takes Amy as his date to his boss's wedding. He and Amy make out and Amy decides they will get married and raise a family, based on one make-out session. Of course, when she tells Gary this, he quickly sets her straight. 

After his misunderstanding with Amy, landlord Gary kicks her out. Meanwhile, her job at the club is coming to an end, as the season comes to an end. So now Amy has no job, no home and virtually no money. So she sneaks onto a cruise ship.

At first, the story is a bit of a puzzle. Amy hints at her past problems but it takes quite a distance into the story for it to reveal her background a bit better. Still, I found the story captured my interest and it turned out to be a pretty quick read. Amy is different and, as you get to know her a bit better, you wish she could get her life together, but that never happens in the story, sadly. Amy is very smart but she is unable to use her intelligence to better herself. 

A review by Kirkus.

The Black Moth

 

By Georgette Heyer

A Georgian Romance

Two brothers, John, the oldest and Richard, both gambling at the same club. Richard has lost a lot of money and decides to cheat. Also at the club is Tracy Belmanoir, an unpleasant fellow who spots an opportunity to cause trouble and exposes Richard's cheating. But brother John steps up to protect his little brother and claims he was the one who marked the playing cards when he was in the game just before Richard. 

According to the mores of the time, cheating at gambling is an unforgiveable crime. So John flees in disgrace while Richard is willing to let his brother bear the blame and the consequences of his actions.

Several years later and Richard and John's father has died and John is now the Earl and Richard is in charge of John's family estate. Richard is now married and has a young son. He has no idea where John is or what has happened to him over the years. Then he discovers that John is in England and is going by the name Sir Anthony Ferndale. Eaten up by guilt, Richard begs John to come home and take his rightful place as the Lord of the manor. But John refuses. Richard is eaten up by guilt but every time he talks to his wife about coming clean, she becomes very upset, claiming it will result in their disgrace and exile from polite society.  So Richard always caves.

Meanwhile, John happens upon an abduction. Tracy Belmanoir is trying to capture and carry off a young gentlewoman, Diana, who was traveling with her aunt. John takes on Tracy and they duel with swords and John beats Tracy. But then Tracy pulls out a gun and shots the valiant John.

Diana and her aunt bring John to their home and nurse him back to health. John and Diana fall in love, but John knows the taint of cheating and of his life on his own will not be acceptable to Diana's father and he makes plans to leave and forget Diana. But the vile Tracy once again grabs Diana and carries her off to his manor. So John has to ride to the rescue again.

Meanwhile, Richard has been slowly falling apart due to his guilt for letting his brother suffer for his mistake. He finally resolves to admit he was the cheater, not his brother, John, despite his wife's tears and protests. So at least John gets his happy ending. And Richard's wife realizes that she loves him even though he has gone against her wish to keep quiet about the cheating.

This was an OK read. There is a lot going on in the story and it is lacking in that light touch that makes so many of Heyer's other stories so delightful to read. I much prefer the lighter touch, the stories where a bit of comedy is included. Not much of that in this story.

I didn't know this until now, but apparently this was Heyer's first published novel, written when she was only nineteen. So much can be forgiven of an author who went on to produce many charming and successful romances, romances that brightened many a day for me as a reader.

Here is a review by Aarti on Austenprose.

Life Form

 

By Alan Dean Foster

A team of scientists have arrived to explore the virgin world of Xica, an earthlike planet with oceans, continents, plants and animal life. Their mission is to collect specimens and study them. They set up base camp and are enthralled with the alien creatures they discover. But they are even more enthralled when they find a village of attractive humanoids who seem harmless and friendly. These people have a stone-age technology and are eager to learn about the Earth people and they are eager to improve themselves. So scientists and the natives are spending a lot of time together and getting along fairly well when the scientists are amazed and dismayed to discover that they are not the first humans to land on Xica. A man from Earth has been on the planet for decades, and according to him, Old Con, he pretty much taught the natives everything they know. The scientists are upset that he has contaminated the natives with his knowledge. Once Old Con is part of the story, everything goes from good to bad to awful. 

This is a pretty superficial look at humans encountering a primitive alien culture. We don't get to know the scientists or the aliens very well, not even Old Con, who is portrayed as some kind of superman without it explaining how he got that way other than the school of hard knocks. So when the author kills off most of the humans, it doesn't mean much at all since we really don't get to know most of them. The team includes three female scientists, and we are told several times that they are gorgeous, but then the author never does much with that information.  All in all, a rather unsatisfactory novel.

Faro's Daughter

 

By Georgette Heyer

Deborah Grantham works in her aunt's gambling house. She is one of the attractions that brings gamblers to the tables, being quite strikingly beautiful. She has several admirers among the British upper class men who visit the casino, one of whom is in possession of several bills her aunt owes and mortgage for the house, Lord Ormskirk. He has so far failed in his quest to seduce Deborah and is holding the bills & mortgage over her and her aunt's heads. Deborah's other most persistent suitor is young Adrian, Lord Mablethorpe, who has been trying to get Deborah to agree to marry him. So far she has refused, even though he will come into his large inheritance in a few months when he comes of age and be in the position to help Deborah's aunt out of her financial difficulties. 

Even though her aunt has been pressuring her to accept Adrian, Deborah has stood firmly against it. She may just be a working girl in a casino, but she is not interested in marrying for money. Meanwhile, Adrian's trustee, Max Ravenscar, has heard about Adrian's infatuation with Deborah and he is convinced she is after Adrian's money and Max is determined to prevent the marriage.

When Max tries to buy her off, it offends her to the point of making a very bad decision: in anger, she pretends to only be interested in marrying Adrian because he is a wealthy man of the nobility and she refuses to be bought off. She continues to carry on this charade, with the intention of teaching Max a lesson. Max fails to realize that he wounded her deeply when he tried to bribe her and that she really has no intention of marrying Adrian. Deborah takes it so far as to arrange for Max to be kidnapped and locked in her aunt's cellar, but he manages to trick her and escape. 

Eventually Max begins to see through the game she is playing and to understand that he is very attracted to Deborah despite her being one of Faro's Daughters. But due to a silly misunderstanding, he once again accuses her of being a gold digger and calls her many ugly and insulting names. In a fury, Deborah, forbids him to ever approach her again and bans him from her aunt's establishment.  Too late, Max realizes his error and that he has probably lost the only woman he will ever love.

This is one of my favorite Heyer stories. Deborah is a woman with many strikes against her but she doesn't let it beat her down. She takes on the opposition and doesn't let anyone get in her way, including her aunt and her brother, and, of course, Max. On the other hand, her spiritedness may lead her into questionable decisions, such as locking Max in the cellar or pretending to be a vulgar gold digger just to get back at Max. So even though Deborah makes some stupid decisions, that is just part of the fun of the story. 

Here is a review by Austenprose.

Black Sheep

 

By Georgette Heyer

Abigail Wendover had to go out of town for a few weeks and when she returned home to Bath and her sister Selina it was to discover that Selina and Fanny, their young niece of 17, had become enamored of a fortune hunter, Stacy Calverleigh. A handsome and well-spoken man of an ancient British family, Stacy knows how to charm the ladies. And impressionable Fanny and gullible Selina, who is plenty old enough to know better, have fallen for his charms. Fanny has decided that Stacy is the love of her life. But Abigail has been informed of Stacy's true character, that he is a gambler and is known to be nearly bankrupt and has been chasing after every wealthy female that crosses his path. So Abigail is certain his love for Fanny is based upon the knowledge that she will be a wealthy woman when she comes of age.

Stacy Calverleigh is not the only Calverleigh to enter into the Wendover's lives. Stacy's black sheep uncle, Miles Calverleigh, has returned to England after a long absence of nearly twenty years. He was sent to India as a young man in disgrace for running away with another man's fiancée. Now he is home for good and has made the acquaintance of Abigail Wendover and he is smitten. His feelings are returned but he is still looked at as unacceptable due to his past mistakes and to the belief that he is as poor as his nephew Stacy. What no one knows is that Miles made his fortune in India and has come home a very wealthy man.

So Miles is chasing after Abigail but Abigail considers herself an old maid and is more concerned about taking care of her idiot sister Selina and their niece Fanny than she is about her own future. Plus her family is as against any connection with Miles are they are about Fanny's love affair with the disreputable Stacy.

This was a good read. The repartee between Fanny and Miles is some of the funniest that Heyer ever wrote. The plot is kind of lame, with the supposedly intelligent Abigail willing throw her future happiness away for the sake of naïve Fanny and selfish, silly Selina. But Miles pursuit of Abigail makes this one of Heyer's most amusing romances, especially the ending, which is very satisfying.

Here is a review by Austenprose.

The World Gives Way

 

By Marissa Levien

The last hope for humanity. The best and the brightest and, of course, the wealthiest on a massive spaceship headed to a new world and hopefully a new beginning, leaving behind a planet no longer alive.

Myrra Dal is a young woman, a slave on the ship, her life signed away by her ancestors as part of the price for a place onboard and a chance to survive. Myrra works as a servant and nanny to one of wealthiest families on the ship. So why do both her employers, man and wife, commit suicide one day, leaving behind their vast wealth and their baby daughter? The wife, selfish and privileged though she may have been, asks Myrra to take care of the baby, before jumping to her death, informing Myrra that the ship is failing and it will never reach its destination and everything on it is doomed. 

They filled the ship with the best of everything. They even brought on animals of all kinds, a sort of Noah's Ark. They brought their wealth, their gems, their artworks, all in a bid to save it from extinction. But all to no avail. A tragic flaw is causing the ship to slowly break apart and nothing they do has been able to stop its disintegration.

So here is Myrra, with a little girl not her own, and the wealth she looted from her dead bosses, facing the end of humankind and of all the precious lives of the many plants and animals they brought with them. She is one of the few who know the truth. How is she supposed to cope with the loss of hope? How is she supposed to care for the little one left in her charge who is equally doomed? 

This story is so depressing. If you weren't depressed before reading it, you probably will be after doing so. In the beginning of the story, there is the hope that something will be done to save at least some. But by the middle of the it, the author makes it quite clear that no one will survive. At about page 200 she tells us of "the deafening crashing noise that comes before everyone dies." At that point all hope for the reader of a happy ending is gone. The last half is about Myrra and those around her facing the facts and dealing with their eminent death.

On the plus side, the author really knows how to tell a riveting story that flows so smoothly and logically, it was a pleasure to read even though it left me in sorrow at the ending.  

Here is a review by Kirkus Reviews.

Between the Bridge and the River

 

By Craig Ferguson

George and Fraser are at turning points in their lives. Fraser is a disgraced TV preacher in Scotland and George, also Scottish, has been told he has incurable cancer. George abandons his wife and teen daughter without a word and travels to Paris. Fraser gets invited to an evangelical convention in the US and travels to Florida before attending the convention in Alabama. 

When in Paris, George meets the love of his life, Claudette, a woman of grace, charm, intelligence and great beauty. She hasn't had much luck with men, though. They all tend to die on her. And now she has George and he has been honest with her that he abandoned his family and is dying. But that doesn't phase Claudette. She is determined George will not die on her like all her past lovers have.

Meanwhile, in Florida, Fraser gets mugged and left for dead in an alley. Amazingly, his muggers return for him and load him into their vehicle, promising to take him to his meeting in Alabama. Along the way, they collect a motley crew of followers, Fraser now being regarded as some kind of prophet or visionary after having had an epiphany while unconscious in the alley, visions which included George, whom he knew as a schoolmate back in Scotland, and the dead psychiatrist Carl Jung, who visits Fraser quite often in Fraser's dreams.

This is a whacky, fun read with lots of digressions and general weirdness. I enjoyed immensely. 

Here is a review by Kirkus Reviews.

Rabbits

 

By Terry Miles

When K was a young teen, he was in a crash that killed one friend and injured himself and the friend's twin sister. The crash happened because the three teens were playing a game known as Rabbits. Rabbits is kind of a treasure hunt, where you get clues and follow them to the prize, said to be wealth beyond belief and your heart's desire. Following the instructions they had figured out, the three were driving down a road in the dark, with their vehicle's headlights turned off as instructed in the clues they deciphered. Not surprisingly, they crashed.

Not long after, a few years maybe, K lost both his parents in a boating accident. This left him alone in the world with no one in his life except a few close friends. Living in Seattle, his closest friend is Baron. His next closest is Chloe, who works at an arcade where K give occasional lectures on the game, Rabbits, helped out by his friend Baron. 

One day a man who showed up at his lecture asked to speak to him afterward. They went to a nearby cafe and the man, Scarpio, asked K about Rabbits. According to Scarpio, the game is messed up and this could lead to serious trouble. They make an agreement to met the next day, but Scarpio never shows up. 

This starts K and Chloe on an adventure to find out what is wrong with Rabbits even though they get warned repeatedly not to have anything to do with the game, as it seems many Rabbits players have died pursuing its clues, just like his friend did when K was a teenager.

This was an OK read if a bit boring. It takes K and Chloe several chapters to finally leave their homes or the arcade where Chloe works and get out in the city to follow the clues, all of which are conveniently located in the area around Seattle. Then it turns out that the threat to the Rabbits game and to the world is being caused by one nutty genius who is on a quest to bring his dead family back to life. Bit underwhelming, in my opinion.

See also the review by Publishers Weekly.

Arabella

 

By Georgette Heyer

A Regency Romance

Arabella is a lovely young girl, eager to make her debut in polite society. She has three sisters younger than she is and her family is hoping Arabella finds a husband who is well enough off the help the three younger girls find suitable husbands when the time comes. Fortunately, Arabella has a godmother who lives in London and who is happy to sponsor her into society.

So Arabella sets out on her journey from her home in northern England to London, a journey that will take several days. She is being accompanied by a respectable older woman who is also traveling to London. But the carriage they are traveling in suffers a breakdown and Arabella and her companion take refuge at a nearby house, seeking shelter from the rain. 

The house belongs to Robert Beaumaris, a man of great wealth and a leader of London society. He is there with a friend of his and is inclined to send the two women packing but his friend protests. So the housekeeper takes them to freshen up and upon their return, Arabella overhears Robert telling his friend that he thinks Arabella's accident was just an attempt to attract his attention: "My dear Charles, when you have been hunted by every trick known to the ingenuity of the female mind, you may more readily partake of my sentiments upon this occasion! I have had beauties hopeful of wedding my fortune swoon in my arms, break their bootlaces outside my London house, sprain their ankles when my arm is there to support them, and now it appears that I am to be pursued even into Leicestershire! An accident to her coach! Famous! What a greenhorn she must believe me to be!"

Which is more than just a tiny bit conceited of him. Thing is, Arabella has no clue who he is. But when she hears this, it makes her very angry. So when she and her companion rejoin the two men, she pretends she is a very wealthy heiress who is tired of being pursued by men more interested in her wealth than in her. Then she asks the men not to reveal to London society that she is vastly wealthy and they promise to keep it a secret. 

Robert sees through her lie and is amused by it. Just to stir things up, he encourages his friend Charles to spread the rumor of her wealth to society. So Arabella finds herself feted and courted when she settles in London in her godmother's house and is upset to discover it is because people think she is rich. 

Robert's intention was to cause mischief when he encouraged Charles to reveal her secret. But as he becomes more acquainted with Arabella, he starts to understand she is not like most society maidens. Arabella is a very compassionate girl and she rescues, in short order, first a small abused boy and then a small abused dog. Both of whom end up in Robert's care. Obviously, Robert has fallen in love with her, but consciousness of the lie she told him is preventing her from returning his affection. Then her hapless younger brother arrives in London and proceeds to get himself into serious trouble, it seems to her only Robert has the wherewithal to rescue the young man. But how could Robert ever believe her love is real if she marries him only to get access to his money to save her brother from his folly?

This is a charming story. Arabella and Robert are both a bit impetuous. Arabella flies to the rescue of suffering creatures and Robert enjoys wrapping society around his little finger with his little jokes, like wearing a dandelion in his buttonhole for several days, getting all the society swells searching for dandelions to wear in their buttonholes too. Whereupon Robert stopped wearing them. He's certainly a bit more fun than Arabella is and seems to enjoy that the joke is on him too. 

Check out this review by  Austenprose too.

The Guncle

 

By Steve Rowley

Patrick is living quietly in Palm Springs. A well-known TV actor, he pretty much shut down after his partner, Joe, was killed in a car crash. Even though it's been several years, Patrick is still devastated by the loss. 

Tragedy hits his family again with the death of his brother's wife, Sara, who was also Patrick's great friend. Sara's death was not unexpected, as she had been fighting cancer for quite a while. But what is unexpected is that her husband, Patrick's brother, became addicted to Sara's pain medication and has now checked himself into rehab and has asked Patrick to take care of their two young children, Maisie and Grant. 

Taking care of children is new to Patrick. But he does his best and takes the kids to live with him in Palm Springs. Together, they learn to deal with grief and to enjoy the good things life has given them, especially each other.

This is a story about a man and the two kids he is caring for learning to cope with grief. It is told with a lot of humor and compassion and is quite enjoyable. It's sure to appeal to those who like stories about families and family dynamics. It's pretty amusing, despite the depressing premise (dead wife, dead friend, dead lover, addict brother, bereaved children).

See also a review by Kirkus Reviews.

The Best Bad Things

 

By Katrina Carrasco

It's not that opium is illegal in 1880s in the  US. It's that criminals don't want to pay the hefty import duty on the drug. So the illegal drug business is big money for importers on America's West Coast. One of these smuggling hot spots is Port Townsend in the territory of Washington. 

Alma Rosales was a Pinkerton agent who used to investigate crimes like smuggling. But she made some bad mistakes and ended up unemployed. And that is when she met Delphine, the woman she loves and who led Alma into a life of crime.

Alma was a tomboy. She even learned to box and likes to dress as a man. She comes to Port Townsend, summoned by Delphine, who runs a criminal enterprise there, fueled mainly by smuggling opium. Her front man in Port Townsend is Nathaniel Wheeler and she wants Alma to size him up and to discover why so much of their illegal opium is going missing. It must be someone inside the operation, but Delphine doesn't know if Wheeler is part of the thefts. 

Alma first meets Wheeler dressed as herself but then enters his organization disguised as her male alter ego, Jack Camp, a small, feisty man who fears no one. Wheeler is fooled at first but quickly catches on and acts disgusted by her charade. Alma senses he is turned on by her crossdressing act and she likes that. She is very attracted to Wheeler, but her infatuation with Delphine rules her life.

These are not nice people. Unreliable, double dealing, out to get what they can, violent and unpredictable, including Alma. She doesn't seem to have any qualms about switching from law enforcement to law breaker. She also doesn't seem to have any qualms about murder. She is not a good person.

I had no sympathy for anyone in this book. They are scum. It hard to like a book where you hate all the characters. And I didn't like this book. But I paid for it, so I finished reading it. It is unforgettable, true, but like a disaster is unforgettable.

See also, a review by Publishers Weekly.

Frederica

 

By Georgette Heyer

Frederica considers herself past the age of worrying about finding a husband (she's 24). But she does have a younger sister who is outstandingly beautiful. Here is how one of the characters describes Charis: "I have never before seen, or—or even dreamed of such a lovely girl! Her eyes! So big, and of such a blue! Her hair! like shining gold! The prettiest little nose, too, and her complexion quite exquisite! And when she spoke—" 

Frederica has no ambition for herself, but she is aching to find a worthy match for the gorgeous but dim Charis. The only way to find Charis the match that Frederica feels she deserves is to bring her to London to meet the wealthy bachelors of the British nobility. Their father used to talk about a distant cousin of his who he greatly admired, a man of wealth and style, the Marquis of Alverstoke. So Frederica gets the bright idea of enlisting Alverstoke's help in launching Charis on London high society even though she has never met the man before.

Alverstoke is a selfish man, accustomed to thinking about no one but himself. His sisters have tried to talk him into giving a ball for two of their daughters and he has definitely indicated that he is unwilling. But then he meets Frederica and sees the beauteous Charis and changes his mind. He declares he will give the ball but wants his sister to sponsor Charis into society. The rub is that the sister's daughter is a plain Jane and that the sister has no idea what Charis looks like. So it's Averstoke plot to get back at his sister who is really upset when she sees how beautiful and charming Charis is. 

But once Alverstoke holds the ball, he can't seem to disentangle himself from Frederica and her siblings. Between rescuing the youngest boy's mongrel dog after it got in trouble for chasing cows and rescuing the teenage boy after he crashed his bicycle-like vehicle and then again rescuing the youngster when he takes a serious fall and develops a fever, he seems to be coming more and more involved in caring for Frederica's family and ultimately caring, not for the lovely Charis, but for her capable, practical and "over-the-hill" older sister, Frederica.

This was a pretty good story, if a bit long. Not one of my favorite Heyer novels, but still a fun and entertaining read. 

Check out this review by Dear Author.

Nine Nasty Words

 

By John McWhorter

English in the Gutter: Then, Now and Forever

John McWhorter is a linguist and professor at Columbia University and has published several books, including several on language. Nine Nasty Words looks at the origin and evolution of nine common profane words.

From inside the book jacket: "McWhorter examines the realms of language that are considered shocking and taboo in order to understand what imbues curse words with such power—and why we love them so much."

These are the words he examines, censored;

• Damn & Hell
• F*ck
• Sh*t
• Ass & Assh*le
• D*ck & C*nt
• N-word
• F*ggot
• Bitch
• Motherf*cker

This isn't a long read but it is really interesting, especially to see how words change over time and how we react to them changes over time too. It's been something that has puzzled me: why is "sh*t" censored but "poop" is acceptable? They both mean the same thing: feces. Why is it ok to say "frick" but not "f*ck"? Everyone knows when you say frick, you are really mean f*uck. Asshat is acceptable but assh*le is censored on some social media. Hat is OK but hole is too much? McWhorter does explain how words gain emotional attachments that they never had in the past. An informative and enjoyable read.

Review from Publishers Weekly.

Devil's Cub

 

By Georgette Heyer

Dominic Alastair, Lord Vidal, is a man of few scruples, impetuous and passionate. Although only a young man, he has a reputation for being dangerous and unpredictable. But he comes from wealth and privilege and much is forgiven the children of the nobility. 

This time, maybe, he has gone too far and shot a man who accused him of cheating at dice. So Vidal has been informed by his father, the Duke, that he needs to leave the country to escape facing trial. Vidal is willing to leave England for France but he has no intention of going alone. 

He has been wooing a beautiful young but silly girl. His intentions towards Sophia are strictly dishonorable. Sophia and her mother believe they can ensnare Vidal into marriage but Sophia's older sister Mary thinks otherwise. She is certain Sophia will be seduced and abandoned when Vidal tires of her. So when Mary receives a message from Vidal intended for Sophia directing Sophia to come away with him, she decides to intervene. Disguising herself, she meets with Vidal and climbs into his chaise and lets him carry her away to an unknown destination, letting him believe she is Sophia. Her hope is that when he discovers the deception, she will try to make him think that Sophia was in on it in order to make him look like a fool and thus cause him to wash his hands of Sophia. 

When Mary reveals herself to Vidal and laughs at him, he becomes enraged and forces her to come with him to France. Once they reach France, things become more complicated, as Vidal begins to understand that Mary was trying to save her sister from disgrace and that he has carried away a respectable maiden and is now responsible for ruining her good reputation. Upon realizing this, he steps up and offers to marry her. But Mary is a bit contrary and decides that she is not interested in a loveless marriage. Or rather a marriage where one loves and the other does not because Mary realizes she has fallen in love with her captor, Lord Vidal, the Devil's Cub.

This book is the sequel to These Old Shades, the story of the Duke and Leonie, the aristocrat and the guttersnipe, Vidal's parents to be.

This story doesn't have the depth or seriousness of the first book, and in many ways, that makes it a more enjoyable read. It is more of a romp, with lots of complications and true love thwarted, with the Duke stepping in at the end to set everything right, in his usual omniscient fashion that we are introduced to in the first book. 

It's not one of my favorite books of Heyer's, but it is still a good read. 

Review by Austenprose.

I Am Number Four

 

By Pittacus Lore

When their planet was attacked, the people loaded up the best and brightest of their children and sent them to Earth to hide among the populace until the kids grew up and gained their magical powers. But the enemy tracked them to Earth and is hunting the kids down, already killing numbers one through three.

Fearing for his safety, number Four's guardian moves himself and Four, changing their names and creating new IDs for them. Four is fifteen years old and just starting to develop his powers. Newly arrived in a small rural town in Ohio, Four is making himself at home in his new high school, making friends and enemies: he runs afoul of a jock/bully when the boy's old girl friend takes a shine to Four and the jock gets jealous.

Four's guardian warns him not to get involved with the local girls. But Four falls hard for ex-cheerleader Sarah. So when the guardian begins to fear the enemy is nearby and wants to leave the area, Four refuses. He has become tired of their rootless existence and he is falling in love with Sarah. 

But the enemy is implacable and dogged in their determination to track down the surviving alien kids and destroying them all. And once they achieve that, their next victims will be the people of Earth. 

This was a fairly good read, a bit juvenile and predictable, but still quite moving and enjoyable. It is the first entry in a series of books. The author is not Pittacus Lore as the books are written by James Frey, Jobie Hughes, and Greg Boose. Pittacus Lore is actually a character in the novels.

Mistborn

 

By Brandon Sanderson

A cursed world, plagued by volcanic ash fall and nights of mist and strangeness in the mist, so much so that people are fearful of being out in the mist, and where there are only two classes of people, the ruling class and the slave class.

Vin is a teenage thief, the daughter of a slave and of a lord. The law requires that children born of such a union must be destroyed. But Vin and her brother Reen survived and lived by their wits, until the day Reen left his sister behind to survive on her own, a betrayal that has left Vin suspicious and untrusting of everyone. 

The some in the ruling class have mystical powers, fueled by the metal and metallic compounds they consume. Vin also has these powers, although she doesn't really understand what she is doing and she doesn't know about using metals to enhance her innate abilities. That is until she became acquainted with Kelsier, a man with a plan to overthrown the ruling class and its leader, the Lord Ruler. But the Lord Ruler is more like a god than a human man, believed to be immortal. 

Kelsier sees the potential in Vin and brings her into his crew of rebels, teaching her how to use the metals to achieve amazing feats beyond ordinary human powers. He eventually places her in the house of fake lord who works for him, introduced into the nobility as the young daughter of a country lord. Her job is to spy on the noble houses and gather intelligence to be used against them. 

Vin becomes smitten by a bookish young lord, Elend Venture. Elend is the heir of House Venture, the most powerful house in the capitol city. But Vin is a thief and criminal and fake who is supposed to be helping Kelsier  bring down the ruling class, including House Venture and Elend Venture. According to Kelsier, they are all corrupt and deserve to be destroyed. But Vin sees goodness in Elend and argues with Kelsier that not all of the nobility deserve death.

Then an important battle goes against the troops Kelsier has gathered and they are defeated. Which drives Kelsier into a face to face confrontation with the Lord Ruler, who is revealed to be as indestructible as claimed and Kelsier dies. Which causes Vin to attempt to get into the Lord Ruler's citadel to discover the secret of his immortality.

This was an OK story, although way too long. It is the first book in a trilogy, and, looking ahead I found out that the author has a habit of killing off the heroes of his stories. We already know Kelsier dies, Elend dies later on as does Vin. After finding that out, I lost interest in reading the other two books in the trilogy. Life is sad enough in reality without it being miserable in fiction too. Also, like I mentioned, the book is too long. I frankly skipped through a lot of its over 600 pages.

Review by Erik Kain in Forbes.