Magical Thinking

 

By Augusten Burroughs

A memoir. Set mostly during his adult years in New York City, before he became well known for his first memoir, Running With Scissors. It deals mainly with his love life, the men he favored and the man who later became his main man at the time, Dennis aka The Schnauzer. I guess at the time he wrote this book, he was pretty certain that Dennis was forever. However, looking online I see that they split up, growing apart, according to what I read, but still fond of each other.

Burroughs loves to shock us with his crazy life. But to me the most shocking thing I read in the book was his torture killing of a mouse in his apartment. It was truly disgusting and inhumane what he did to that poor creature.

On the other hand, much of the book is really interesting and frequently funny. Oddly, he describes an encounter with Puff Daddy aka P. Diddy aka Sean Combs which I found interesting because of Combs trial this year and sentencing to about four years of incarceration. The encounter Burroughs writes about happened at the Kentucky Derby:

During the seventh race, a man in a blindingly white suit approached our box and, seeing that it was full, stood at the opening of the box next to ours, the one just slightly ahead of the finish line. A murmur rippled through the box, and I heard the word 'Daddy,' a word that for various reasons always gets my attention.

His diamond earrings flashed in the sun. Of course: P. Diddy (formerly Sean 'Puffy' Combs), rap star, music producer, recently acquitted gun-out-the-window-thrower. A small entourage of impeccably dressed and very handsome black men huddled behind him.

A crowd materialized, and there seemed to be less oxygen in the air. The dozens of photographers in front of us on the track now turned around to face Puffy. Auto-focus lenses whirred into action. Flashes fired.

'Puffy!' yelped on of the debutantes. 'A picture? Pretty please, Daddy?'

Puffy extended his arm, and the girl parted the crowd and slid right in. Flashes exploded on their faces. The light around us popped.

The crowd seemed to close in on our little box. Puffy signed autographs, signed anything passed to him. He held a cigar between his teeth. There was not a single smudge on his white suit. His Rolex shone. When he spoke, he sounded like a senator.

Even without his white, white suit, Puff Daddy would have been the whitest man at the Derby. And yet I couldn't help but think: all these Hats, swooning over him, their faces melting into smiles, their bodies leaning into him, their eyes trained on his every gesture—these ladies wouldn't give him a quarter to save his life if he were wearing sweat pants, a Fubu jersey, and a backward baseball cap. Yet now, I was certain, any of them would have been proud to bear his children. The men, too. Any one of them would happily shrug, 'What the hell?' and be his bitch."

Here is a review from Kirkus Reviews. 

And one from the New York Times.

Possible Side Effects

By Augusten Burroughs

I first encountered Augusten Burroughs in his book Running with Scissors. I recommend you read that book first as it is a more detailed look at Burroughs horrendous childhood.
Possible Side Effects is a collection of autobiographical stories, some true, some not so true, but all entertaining and funny. Burroughs has a wonderful sense of humor, and even if I don't quite believe all he writes, I certainly enjoy it.
This book contains 5 stories. In "Pest Control" Burroughs writes an improbable account of his first encounter with the tooth fairy. Even though this story did not ring true in some things, his description of his feelings about his aging grandmother were spot on.
"Bloody Sunday" is about a trip to London to promote a book and amusing enough that I shared some of it with my friend.
"The Sacred Cow" a story about his dog named CowCow that was bought to be a companion to the other dog, Bentley. Cow was a nightmare at first but became just a precious to his owner as Bentley.
"Team Player" is about Burroughs affection for college t-shirts, which he wears, although he sometimes feels like a fraud since he never attended college.
In "Killing John Updike" Burrough's friend advises him to buy first editions of Updike's novel because when Updike dies his novels will greatly increase in value. So Burroughs does, but then he begins to wonder if any of his novels are for sale online and he is amazed to find that his brother is selling Burroughs' watch online.
"Attacked by Heart" describes his experience with what turns out to be a minor health concern.
"The Wisdom Tooth" is about a vacation that didn't go so well.
"GWF Seeks Same" is about a friend's dating through personal ads and the bad advice he gives her.
"Mint Threshold" is about his days working on the Junior Mints account at an ad agency. This story was totally believable and really funny.
"Locked Out" is one of the more shocking stories as it describes his life during his struggles with alcohol. He gets locked out of his apartment and has to call a locksmith; the locksmith is horrified at the condition of Burroughs' home and assumes he is the victim of a burglary.
"Getting to No You" is about a brief crisis in his dating life when he seemed unable to stop dating people he didn't like and he ends up dating a whirling dervish with untrimmed toenails. Yuck!
"Kitty, Kitty" is a sad story of a dog he had named KittyKitty and how he finally realized he couldn't take proper care of the dog because of his (Burroughs') alcoholism. So he takes the dog to the animal shelter. He can't help but think he is doing the same thing to the poor dog that his parents did to him.
"Peep" is about looking in people's windows.
"Taking Tests, Taking Things" is about how he left advertising and decided to become a police officer. He discovers that he isn't really cop material and also talks about his days as a store detective when he was a teenager.
In "Unclear Sailing" he somehow gets a job cutting out sails for sailboats. He doesn't even last one day!
In "Moving Violations" he talks about a girl he knew, he calls her Druggy Debby. He and Debby would go for long drives and show disgusting porn images to anyone who pissed them off as payback. Kind of a road rage sort of story.
"You've Come a Long Way, Baby!" is about why he started smoking and how he now tries to live a cleaner life by chewing nicotine gum. Trouble is, he is now addicted to the gum.
"The Forecast for Summer" is about a friend of his mother's who killed herself. Not a funny story.
"Try Our New Single Black Mother Menu" is about how, when Burroughs was a kid, he wanted to eat a McDonald's and wear his hair in an Afro and wear burgundy platform shoes, despite being told that that sort of thing was only for blacks.
In "The Georgia Thumper" Burroughs gets even with his really mean other grandma whom he was forced to spend time with every summer.
"Little Crucifixions" is about an distressing skin condition he has been fighting since he was a kid.
"What's in a Name?" is a brief portrait of disturbed family life, with Burroughs' brother calling their mother Slave and their father Stupid and how Burroughs himself could call his dad vile names right to his face and get no reaction at all from the man.
"The Wonder Boy" is about how he fooled his mom into thinking he had psychic powers. It's hard to believe she was really that gullible.
"Fetch" is my favorite story in the book, as he stumbles into a job helping a couple of men train hunting dogs and ends up with a dog of his own.
"Mrs. Chang" is about the lady who used to read stories to the kids and they all loved her even though her accents was so thick they couldn't understand her.
And finally there is "Julia's Child" where he recounts his efforts to imitate what he saw on the cooking show on TV. Unfortunately, he is more concerned with appearances than with actually cooking and he just ends up making messes. But I guess the point of the story is where are his parents while all this in going on...?

Review from CurledUp.com:    http://www.curledup.com/abpossib.htm.