Retief to the Rescue

 

By Keith Laumer

Retief, a diplomat, is posted to the planet of Futheron, home of the Hithers and the Nethers, more unkindly known as the Creepies and the Crawlies. Futheron, or as the natives call it, Ynnezadoog. 

An explanation of life on Furtheron from the book:

"When Admiral Slizz reported that the newly explored world Ynnezadoog was potentially habitable, a full Survey Party was dispatched at once....The landing party was greeted by a heavy bombardment to which the admiral responded by hastily erecting the fortified camp which has now come to be called Furtheron City. The early discovery of valuable mineral deposits provided sufficient incentive to remain, in spite of the hostility of the place....the 'bombardment' is a natural phenomenon, due to an eccentric sort of vulcanism, and has been proceeding continuously for at least some millions of years. Investigations by Groacian geologists revealed that gas pressure within the porous crust constantly expelled particles from surface pores, these particles ranging in size from dust grains to multi-ton boulders. Once expelled and having fallen back to the surface, such an object tended to roll or slide downhill until it encountered an open pore large enough to admit it, in time wearing well-refined grooves which thereafter channeled later objects to the same orifice. These returning particles clogged the gas vents until re-expelled, the repeated expulsions occurring along the most convenient channels, in time smoothing and strengthening them until they attained the appearance of well-polished gun barrels. Having evolved under constant bombardment from an unknown source, they [the native peoples] not unnaturally developed a sense of hostility toward whomever it was who was attacking, as they imagined. Since the enemy could be anyone, mutual hostility became the norm. Thus spurring the growth of intelligence, while the natural conditions kept the population small and prevented  developments of any cooperative nature, such as organizing socially. We Groaci found conditions of complete anarchy here, and of course set about creating local government institutions in the hope of ameliorating the universal impulse to attack on sight any fellow Furtheronian—foreigners, of course, being exempt, since clearly they could not be at the bottom of an assault which predated their arrival by eons. In the end, we arrived at two major factions, which we not unnaturally called Hither and Nether, based on the location of the parley sites at which the protocols were hammered out. We appointed Lib Glip as Premier here aboveground, and one Barf, self-styled 'General' as the Nether Leader."

 And this is the world that Retief has arrived on and on which he will attempt to bring some kind of peace and order to a world that has never know peace and order. With no help from the resident Groaci, an expansionist race that has been competing with humankind ever since they discovered each other. 

This was an OK read. It has the usual silliness which is what I like about the Retief stories. Unfortunately, too large a section of the story is about the super tank that Laumer has written about in other stories, the Bolo, which is an idea he clearly absolutely LOVES. I don't, though.